An aural illustration of the feelings that ruin and separate me, the places those feelings have taken me, and finally some resolution. The album cover and casing represent the bags of heroin I used to hide behind and escape reality. I'm not some proud advocate for drug use, but rather a person who's lived on the opposing side of "normalcy" and lived to talk about it. I'm an advocate for awareness instead of sheltering, and I'm working on the issues that lead to the drugs by writing about them instead of acting on them.
I accept that some might take it all for face value and call it a bunch of songs about shooting dope and being a true piece of shit, but I won't write happy songs for happy people to indulge in how happy they already are. I will continue to write fucking miserable songs, about how ugly we can be when we can't get out of our own way, for the people like myself who just need something to relate to.
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ships out within 7 days
It's alright now
He's less love-blind
Not great but he's okay
She accepts no guilt
And feels no shame
He figured out
They're not the same
Or just not on the same page
He runs but she's always just a call away
Where did I go
And how did I get here so fast
I remember the height of my highs
Things that I left behind
With nothing to show now
Tall talks to calm me at night
And I forgot myself sometimes
Second class in my own home
Second place to the boy behind the phone
It was the best nights sleep he had in three months to the day
He lost his love and still felt like he gained
That day she met him and she told him
What she'd done and what she wanted
He forgot himself again out of pure infatuation
Her will was to keep his worth
Where he never came to thinking he comes first
He was the farthest thing from her mind
He said it's fine it's just these games we play with pride
He blames her lack of wisdom and overlooks his own
He's got something deep down that begs to be alone
She does and says these things
That just aren't right
Then I start fights
Instead of leaving her
Like I should
It did far more harm than good.
His heads not right but he's so sure
My heads not right I'm so unsure
But I know I can't love this anymore
I've gone numb
In my hands
I’m scared to death
This night will be my last
I don't want to cause
Anyone any harm,
These church basements
Are the only thing
Between a needle
And my arm.
I was once so strong
But now I'm just so scared.
What the fuck happened to me?
I used to be at peace
I used to be able to sleep.
I've played the victim long enough
And I've laid it on thick
My self-pity's peaked high this time
And I make myself sick.
What the fuck happened to us?
We were blind
And were lead
By a sense of touch.
from Jacob's Ladder,
released November 6, 2015
Produced by John Naclerio @Nada Recording New Windsor, NY